Mongoose
NOTE: LPC's voice is removed from this track. (Unusual ring sound) Hello? Uh-huh? Goose? What kind of a book is it? I don't know, I don't speak English, only a little bit. Mongoose, the magazine? Ack, where? I don't, what are you talking about? I've got games, I've got comics. I don't even know what it is. Is it a game? Is it called moose? There's one called 'How Randy the Moose Turned His Frown Upside Down'. I looked, I looked, I looked, I checked mongoose. Mongoo? Mongoo, is that an animal? I'm sorry, I think we're having a problem with our phones. (sound effects) You want to use our bathroom? Stop calling back! (sound effects) Hello? Hello. Hi. Hello. Yes, I don't know what's happened. Sorry. I don't know either, I just put someone on hold. Were you calling looking for books with a papoose? No, (laughs) I was looking for books about mongoose. Mongoose? Yeah. I'm sorry, we have story time this morning, and I can barely hear you. That, that... (sound effects) Nevermind. (laughs) I know we don't have anything on mongooses. I don't have anything about papooses. This extension... What's going on? I don't have an extension. (sound effects) I don't understand. There's something weird going on on my phone. Hello? Hi, can you tell me how to spell 'papoose'? P-A-P-O-O-S-E Ok, that's what I thought. And you're sure they were at the Cathedral Book Store? I'm sorry? You said your friend bought it here? Are, are we, what kind of item are we talking about? You asked me if we carry a book called Papoose. Right? Uhhh, no, he asked me if we carried a book called Mongoose. Oh, you're not yourself? No, I picked up the phone and there was a male caller, he asked if we carried a magazine called Mongoose. Is this the...(sound effects). Hello? Hello? (laughs) (unintelligible) in the Georgia Tech store? No, this is the Cathedral Bookstore. Ohhh, Ok. well... Oh, weird. And, and (sound effects) Ok. Alright. Thanks. (laughs) You, you're a nut. Yeah. So I tried to tell you before, I think there's some sort of a breakdown in communication. I don't know how much clearer I can be. A book called Papoose. I wouldn't know about. Ok, well if you're going to be rude, I can't help you. I phoned the goddamn store. So what do you want me to do? I mean this is insane. I'm sorry if I'm lying to you, or if I'm a dumb person, I can accept that. God bless you, sir. I don't know what is happening with your phone, but it's got a moose in a mailing carton, and a girl with glasses. The Major Moose? He said Super Goose. Super Goose? I,I don't know what you guys are talking about. We have Mother Goose. I don't, that doesn't sound familiar to me. So, it looks like I have 150 of the Good Luck Mini Moose, I have one Moose On The Loose book, and then three stuffed animals for a different style of moose. I sorry, I...for the book I Am The Goose? Moose On The Loose, is the only book I have. Moose On The Loose? And that's the one that you're looking for? Ok. You guys need a bunch of moose stuff? Oh, umm, I'm not entirely sure what's going on. This is a toy store. You guys called us, looking for moose stuff. Ok, sir, I'm really confused right now. (laughs). Uhh... Who are you? I work with Book People. Ok. So, I don't know exactly what's going on. He asked me to be put on hold, and well...anyway. Yeah. I'm not sure why you guys are calling me. Uh, what's the book that it was... He said Mongoose. To me he said Caboose, so I thought it might be The Little Red Caboose. So I'm not sure, Ok? Uhh. Yeah, I think calling your friend is probably gonna be the best... He is not a friend of mine, ok? Ok. Alright. Hello? Hello. This is The California Book Store. And somebody transferred to you. Yeah, so, you are now the third book store that has called me and asked me about a book. Ohhhhh. (Unintelligible) So I don't know which book they're looking for. So do I win a prize, or, I mean, what's going on here? Uh, no, he said The Goose. Ok, so, first person said Mongoose, second person said Caboose, and this person said Goose. So... Yeah... I don't know what's going on, but I'm actually getting a little tired of all the phone calls. Yeah, no, yeah, ok, he is your friend? Not my friend. Ohhh, I'm sorry, somebody hung up. Your calling a business, then another business called me, then another business called me, and then now you called me. Ok, ok, sure ok. Yes, this is City Lights. I think your friend transferred me over to you. Not my friend. He's looking for The Papoose Book? So, you're the fifth or sixth call, I feel like I'm in some sort of Twilight Zone. Uh-huh. So what do you think he's looking for? Oh, there's a book that he said his friend got here, called Papoose. No idea. So first it was Mongoose, then it was Caboose, then it was Goose, now it's Papoose. But he is a super freak and I've had calls from Book People, some woman who didn't speak English, and now you and... Woah. Oh hey, ok. (sound effects start) Woah, he sounded so, kind of official, and like he was really... (more sound effects)...knew what he was talking about. Yeah, it's gonna get worse, I don't know. Ah, man. How surreal, ok. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hi. Hi. Can you hear me? (2 voices at once) Yes. Ok, so, I, I'm searching for Mad Goose? Is that... I thought it was Mongoose, ok let's see. Mongoose? Mongoose? I... (High pitched sound effects) I don't see anything in our system for Mongoose. (belchy sound effects) Uh...(laughs)...who am I speaking to? This is Women And Children First. Oh. I'm not really sure... Mon...yeah. Mongoose is... Uh, you're both looking (laughs)... Yeah, this is weird. A gentleman called and said I'm looking for Mad Goose... Yeah...(unintelligible) But now we have Mongoose. Ok, well I don't have any Mongoose... Ok. (laughs) Hello? Hello? Hi. Hi. Are you the person who's looking for The Mongoose? I think you guys called for it. Did one of you call for it? You were looking for a book called I Am The Masseuse? Right? This is bizarre. (laughs). (high pitched sound effects) Hello? Is this a serious phone call, because... I don't know what's going on. (laughs) Hello? Hey. Who...(laughs)...Something may have just happened. Did someone call you? Yeah. Was he a strange fella? He was just asking me the most strange questions I've ever had on a phone call. (belchy sound effects) Hello? Hello? Are you hearing that? Yeah, that was strange. This is very weird. This seems to have gotten strange. Are, are you hearing that? (short sound effects burst) Yes, I'm listening, and I'm struggling 'cause I have customers in the store. Oh, oh, you want to start all over? Someone called asking if we had The Mad Goose. What kinda goose? Mad Goose. Mad Goose... This is really totally weird. The person just called and asked... This is a totally weird call. ...To ask for a mongoose? (laughs) I was told The Mad Goose. It's called Mad Goose? No. No, Okay. It's not a masseuse? The masseuse? Hi, were you asking about a book called I Am The Masseuse? No! The masseuse? No! I never had a weird phone call like this, ever. It's weird! It's vibrating and it's...I don't even know, and I never even heard of the mongoose. I'm sorry, no, I don't carry a book called Vamoose. (piano music starts) No? Is there a piano playing? I can't, I can't really hear you. I hear that too. Alright, can you, can you call me back in a minute? Oh, okay. I couldn't really hear you over the music too much. Hello? Uh. Hello? (Simultaneous talking hard to understand)...Yes, sorry, you have two people on the line ...getting a lot of background noise here. (Piano music continues) Uh, you have two of us on the line at the same time. I, I can't hear you. Hello? You have two of us on the line at the same time. Hi there. Are we on two lines here? I think we're on two lines here. (simultaneous talking) Okay, I was answering a question here for the bookstore. Someone just called...I'm sorry? Can I help you? Uh, no, I actually just received a call from a gentleman who was looking for a book titled Vamoose. (Dramatic piano music) What's that? You're an interesting person. (laughs). Is it titled Mongoose? Is it? I'm trying to look up something for someone. Uh, they gave me Vamoose. Wha - How can I help? I'm confused. I was getting back to someone who was on line one. Yeah. Oh, we're on a conference call. I don't know. (Laughs). Happy bookselling. I think you are mistaken. I'm so sorry, we... you are mistaken. I, I'm so sorry. I don't need your attitude. I'm sorry, are you talking to me? What's wrong with you? I'm rather confused myself. You are not welcome here. At first it was a guy on the phone. Do not call here again. I'm here, I'm here, I'm back. Did you call my father yesterday, and talk to a 79 year old man this way? (laughter) Is that what you did? You fucking weakling. Yeah, yeah. You speak to my father that way again, we're gonna have a real problem. I don't know what the heck just happened. You're a fucking weakling. Man goose? You're mentally ill. I was told to ask you about The Vamoose Book you bought, so your friend could buy it. I'd talk to your friend, he was insulting, and, uh, I thought it was odd. No, he said that you were his friend. No, No, No, so just talk me through it. So why is your friend calling us? Who is your friend? And why is he doing this? Sir, this is a business, I don't know what the hell's going on. No, no, we're a business too, so I'm trying to figure out who's doing this. I have no idea. Kay, he threatened to come in and piss on our floor. And this is really gross, I would love to get my hands on the person who did this. Please take us off your call list. - (End of track) Category:Animals Category:Audio juggling